Wednesday, May 21, 2008

I complain. A lot. About pretty much anything. Not enough sleep. Not enough time. Not enough money. Too much fat hanging around my belly. The usual stuff. I know that I have every thing I need. I don't have to worry about paying the mortgage. I'm not tucking my kids into bed and then locking the door so I can head off to a job and not have to pay for childcare. If my car breaks down, I just make arrangements for it to be repaired. I have healthy kids. A partner who loves me and is a decent human being. I live in a safe area where my children play outside unsupervised. So what is my complaint?

So when I hear a mom talking about how great her day was, "We had popsicles and watched the pool fill. The dog chased his tail and we laughed until our sides ached!" I become even more whiney. My day was filled with those sort of things too, but I struggle to find them amusing. I think and feel "The damn pool took so long to fill so I gave the kids popsicles to shut them up. And the stupid-ass, dumb dog took out a circle of grass running around over and over."

Am I hard-wired to be pessimistic? Can I change? Cathy is much more of a glass-half full kind of person. And even that can be annoying to me. Can't she see how dismal it all is? I can joke about how negatively I see the world, but I don't want to pass it on to my kids.

Logan didn't get invited to a friend/classmate's birthday party. Logan thought, "He sent me my invitation but it got lost in the mail." I, of course, think "Rotten mom. I've had that kid over here for playdates, she never invites Logan back. Invites everyone in the class but Logan. blah, blah, blah." I'm still stewing and Logan has moved on. Come to find out only 3 kids from his class were invited, so it wasn't such an insult after all.

This photo always reminds me of how negative I am. The grass is green, the colors are pretty, my kids are happy and healthy, the cat is cute and friendly, but.... I still needed to cut that grass, and wash the sheet and clothes, and little bodies and make dinner and clean up that said dinner and then feed another bowl of cereal to the little brats, oops, sweet kids, who didn't really like the nutritious meal I slaved over. I think it is ingrained and I need to just move on.

Enjoy the lovely (pollen filled, dusty, grass still needs cutting, plants need watering, what-is-eating all my corn seeds) spring day! :)

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